I've always been short, and unlike most women who are, I've never wished to be tall. I am exactly 5'3" and 1/2, but I always round down to 5'3", just to rebel. See, I don't subscribe to feeling bad about something I can't help, and I had many a time in college wearing huge-ass heels and falling on my face. My friends really like to bring those stories up. My friends are hilarious.
I've also realized that the universe doesn't want me to try to be anything but short, that it just likes to point and laugh at me when I try to wear heels and fall, that it gets a real kick when I try to be anything I'm not. Like in college when I thought I would be cool and smoke. Did I lose weight from smoking like you're supposed to? No, I GAINED it. A lot. The minute I quit smoking, down 20 lbs. See, I figure the universe knows how dense I am, so it can't mess around with being subtle. There's no way I would get being told something in a dream, or some possibly questionable crap like that. I would just be like "Oh, that dream was effed up" and be on with my day, never knowing there was supposed to be a message in there somewhere.
One of my favorite things in the whole world is how anyone remotely taller than me calls me "really" short. Like they want to emphasize just how tall and supermodelesque they are in comparison. "Oh Erin's REALLY short". No, actually, REALLY short is, like, 4'10" or something. Not that it's bad being really short, it's just that I can't stand improper use of an adverb, especially when it's used to make someone feel superior. I've also heard tall girls say how seeing a tall man with a short girl is "a waste of height". No kidding? My husband is 6'2". AND they have the nerve to tell me they say that, like I'm going to commiserate with them. "Oh, that is so true, so true! Ha ha! Oh, you!" Sorry sister, being short has a lot of inconveniences, so it's only right that being tall does, too. You can't find someone you don't tower over? Not my prob. Not my prob at all.
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